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The Underarm Comb – Embarrassed on the beach by your untidy, matted, underarm hair. Straighten out that unsightly mess with the underarm comb. The underarm comb is versatile! Can be sharpened and used as a weapon. Or why not run your finger along its teeth and play it as a musical instrument. The underarm comb can also be used as a fake moustache for humorous impressions of Adolf Hitler. Buy the underarm comb and be the most popular guy at the party. Order now and receive this free set of pubic curling tongs.
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Ten Pounds – Yes that’s right we have ten pounds for sale. This year’s must have Christmas gift is in stock. Featuring a portrait of the Head of State for Great Britain and the Commonwealth – Queen Elizabeth II. But the fun doesn’t end there. Marvel at the broken silver strip that, when held to the light, miraculously becomes whole again. And what’s this! Why, holding you Ten Pound Note to the light also reveals another portrait of Elizabeth R. yes it’s fun for all the family. Kids just love the incredibly small writing and are fascinated by men with big beards. But that’s not all! Because the Ten Pound Note can be exchanged in any shop throughout the country for any item up to a value of ten pounds! Don’t delay as stocks are limited.
£29.99 |
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Dog-Tan-On – Does your dog look pale and withdrawn? Do the other dogs kick sand in his face? Then maybe he needs Dog-Tan-On the new fake tan for dogs from the company that brought to the kitty-kat, the chocolate snack for felines. Spray one application of Dog-Tan-On to your canine for an even all over tan – no embarrassing bikini lines! Warning! – This product may cause skin cancer. Not tested on animals.
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“Spayed” By Franklin Mint – A must for animal lovers everywhere. From Franklin Mint, the country’s foremost in animal pottery. This fine porcelain collector’s plate edged with 22-carat gold depicts that look of loss on a young dog’s face after castration. How many times have you seen this expression on your favourite pet shortly after you’ve had him neutered? Just the once? The portrait is a masterpiece filled with lovingly painted detail, the rich chestnut brown coat, his bright expressive eyes that show all the pain from his missing chestnuts. “Spayed” by Franklin Mint can be yours to own today. Delivery in 4-6 weeks.
£29.99 |
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Happy Families – Wholesome fun for all the family with this traditional card game – now updated for the new millennium. Alongside old favourites such as Mr Bun the Baker, and Mrs. Dose the doctor's wife comes a new set of faces including Miss Social Services and her seven children, Mr Kneecap the East End gangster and Mr Necrophile the Undertaker. Fun for ages 8-80. It's here, it's now, it's £29.99.
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The Official Style Challenge The Movie Dolls – A set of six lifelike figurines of John Leslie and the rest of the Style Challenge team. From this year’s hit British TV spin-off movie about the adventures of a group of camp hairdressers and scary fashion designers in their race against time, together with an audience of pensioners with nothing better to do, to make people they’ve just dragged off the street beautiful again. Recreate your favourite scenes with The Style Challenge the Movie Dolls. Wheel of Fortune accessories sold separately.
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The Travel Paperclip – How often do you travel abroad only to discover your paperclips are not compatible with continental paper sizes? It happens to everyone, but what can be done? Well now comes the latest innovation from America. The Travel Paperclip can be used to hold together paper from most major European countries including Eastern Europe. Works for all sizes and colours (except blue).
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Personal Computer – The latest in advanced technology from Bic. The Bic Personal Computer is lightweight and versatile. Discreetly fitting into your pocket the Bic Personal Computer can be used at home, on the train or even in the park! Together with papyrus software the Bic Personal Computer can be used for word processing, calculations (including accounts) and for creating your own graphics. The user-friendly manual contains clear instructions on how to operate all of the Bic Personal Computer features. Can be used to help your kids with their homework, or with s-mail you can send messages instantly in 2-3 days. Batteries not included.
£29.99 |
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Ethnic Fashion - The latest from the catwalks of Yugoslavia. Trendy ethnic fashion has hit the high streets at prices you can afford. From the finest weavers child slavery has to offer, you too can now hold your head up in the wine bars of Islington. Each hand woven robe is tailor made to your specific measurements, using the rare silk plucked from the underbelly of the Tibetan silkworm by blind Indian boys, using only their feet. Shoddy workmanship guaranteed – or you money back!
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The Joy Of Specs – Get more from your spectacles from this educational self-help book. Bring new life to your glasses wearing for both you and your partner. If you already enjoy a rich and full spectacle life then this book contains many new ideas for you to try at home. Anxious about wearing your glasses for the first time? The Joy of Specs contains clear instructions how, and also contains many actual size illustrations and diagrams to help.
£29.99 |
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The Eldorado Emeraldo Ring – Inspired by the magnificence of the legend of the lost city of gold we proudly present the Eldorado Emeraldo Ring. Containing the genuine fake emerald, Emeraldo. Emeraldo is the latest piece of tat to take America by storm, so real you could almost believe it’s a real emerald, if you don’t look at it too long and stay away from direct sunlight. Surrounded by a cluster of genuine fake diamonds set in luxurious 2 carat gold. Guaranteed not to turn your fingers green. Individually crafted by a master jeweller, each ring is accompanied by a signed certificate of authenticity. As recommended by Fred Dibnah.
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The Russell Grant Chess Set – Do you crave the culture and refinement that only seems to come from a traditional board game? Now you can impress your friends with the Russell Grant Chess Set in your Living room. Chess, the ancient game of skill and tactics that only intellectuals and other professionally boring people play, can now be fun too with the Russell Grant Chess Set. All pieces are hand crafted and depict the nation’s favourite astrologer in a variety of regal poses. From mounting a horse proudly holding his staff aloft as a knight, to hiding in Channel 5 daytime schedules as a rook, always Russell Grant’s cheeky grin shines out. Limited edition – only one ever made! Buy now to avoid disappointment.
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The Bluffer’s Guide To Musak – Do you know your arias from your elbow? Do your friends laugh at you at Dinner Parties when you mistake Chopin for Chop Liver? Well fear no more as we bring to you everything you ever needed in The Bluffer’s Guide To Musak. Who composed that lift music? What key are they in when they play Bohemian Rhapsody on the panpipes? It’s all here in The Bluffer’s Guide To Musak. Containing all the big names of Musak from Jason McKenzie to Andrew Lloyd Webber. Including live recordings from such diverse venues such as Boots - Reading, to Boots - Nottingham. The Bluffer’s Guide To Musak can be bought on 3 CDs or 5 cassettes. Warning The Bluffer’s Guide To Musak contains sax and gratuitous violins.
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Uncle Jack’s Suicide Pills – Lonely? Depressed? Feel like the world’s against you? Well then why not try Uncle Jack’s Suicide Pills. These little blue miracles will change your life forever. Using only the finest cyanide extracted from the Dead Sea, Uncle Jack’s Suicide Pills are suitable for all types of manic depression. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. Each pill comes in its own 6ft box that you can be carried out in afterwards. Now in cinnamon flavour. GOVERNMENT WARNING – Suicide may seriously damage your health.
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